Women Talk: Marriage, The Game of the Four Cs
Oscar Wilde once said, “I admire the institution of marriage and I believe that every woman should get married – but no man.” Well, we can hardly take his word for it, knowing his lifestyle marriage would be the last thing on his mind!
Marriage is an important aspect of our lives, one not to be dismissed, as companionship is the essence of life. It is about two different people coming together to spend a lifetime in partnership. This is meant to be a union of souls where two people become one. This is not an easy task and requires patience and commitment and complete trust every step of the way. 
The four C’s - Compromise, cooperation, communication and commitment are hallmarks of equality in a marriage. Marriage is not like a game of chess where winning is your only goal – Remember girls, when you think you’ve won a war in a relationship, you’ve actually lost the battle in the long run. The problem with us is that we’re always trying so hard to be equal in a relationship, that we forget that trying to have equal rights and a smooth marriage are two very delicate matters, which need to be dealt with tact.
Its not about who wears the pants in the house but the key to winning and staying blissfully happy is about silent power. How does one attain that? Is it through being a submissive wife and keeping your feelings to yourself? I think not, at least not in this day and age. The secret, my friends is to remember that if both of you value each other equally; you will create the best opportunity for love and happiness to thrive. It is when that basic value and respect diminishes, a marriage falls apart. When both partners do not feel short-changed is when feelings of goodwill and cooperation flourish.
The Waleemah in Islam
The waleemah is a food reception which follows the consummation of marriage, to make the marriage public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually invited.
The companion Anas reported that the Prophet SAW saw a trace of yellow on Abd Ar- Rahman Ibn Auf, and asked what is this? He answered: “I got married”. Then, the Prophet SAW said,
“May Allah make it a blessing for you. Have a waleemah, even with only a sheep.” [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Maalik] 
Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing tambourines and having decent and allowable singing are recommended during the celebration. According to Aishah (r.a), it is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW to announce a marriage and to make it in the mosque.
Once, Aishah organised a wedding feast for a woman who wed a man from Al-Ansaar. The Prophet SAW advised Aishah to do some entertainment due to the tradition of Al- Ansaar.
We must keep in mind, however, that the marriage celebrations should not violate any Islamic law. The word entertainment in the Islamic context should not be misinterpreted.
A quick walk through of a Muslim wedding ceremony in Pakistan
Muslim wedding are mostly arranged by their parents where only groom’s family usually goes to bride’s home to ask her parents for her hand for their son. If the girl’s family agrees as well then they proceed further. Now in these days it could be done little differently, for example when a girl or a guy falls in love with some one they go tell their parents and if the parents agree then the guy’s family takes first step.
Muslim wedding are usually divided into four days.
Mehndi (Putting colors on hands):
This is where bride and groom’s families do a huge pre-celebration of the weddings. This part is when girl and guy’s both family agree on couple’s marriage. This is done separately, for instance guy’s family would do their own pre-celebration at their own house, where girl’s family is not invited. Something with the guy’s family is not invited at girl’s home for pre-celebration.
Nikkah (Signing marriage contract):
This is the official ceremony of the wedding where bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife. At this part groom’s family goes to girl’s house for the official ceremony. There are about 500 people usually invited by both side. This is the biggest event during the marriage.
Rukhsati (Brides departure for her new home):
This is where the bride officially goes to groom’s house and leaves her parent’s house. This happened right after the Nikkah on the same day.Waleema (Lunch or dinner treat from groom’s family):
This is the last part of the wedding ceremony. It takes place at groom’s house. This is the after celebration of the wedding. This is where the last time during the wedding the bride’s and groom’s family meet together at the groom’s house. This is usually the end of the celebration and groom and bride leave for honeymoon.
Groom’s dressing:
One of the biggest tasks during the weddings in Pakistan is male fashion. For that groom must go to the designer who is specialized in wedding fashion for men. He usually chose different kinds of dress, watch, shoes, bracelet and rings what he should wear during 3 days of wedding.During the wedding in Pakistan there are three dresses are usually used. These dresses are divided into days.
First day of the wedding which is called Mehndi the groom usually wears any kind of casual clothes. During the Mehndi his clothes usually gets ruined because all of his family and friends put all kind of stuff (mostly Hina or perfumed oil) on him as a joke in pre-celebration.
On the second day, during Nikkah the groom usually wears traditional dress called Shalwar Kameez and matching vest with the traditional shoes called Khussa. On this day the groom goes to girl’s house for the first time.
Male jewelry is also an important part during the wedding. Grooms usually do not have to wear as much jewelry as brides do, but at the same time it is part of the custom to wear gold ring which is provided by the bride side.
Bride’s dressing:
In Pakistani culture there is a very special dress for the bride. It is usually in two colors either it will be totally white or totally red with some gold touch. Bride only wears that dress on the day when she leaves with her husband on the day of Nikkah.On the first day which is Mehndi, she wears very casual dress. The reason she wears casual dress because she has all of her family and all of her friends there and during that time they joke with her and have a little food fight sometimes if permitted by bride’s parents.
On the second day that is Nikkah, the bride wears either white or red dress with gold touch. That dress is very expensive, if converted in dollars it would cost around about $2,000 to $3,000 dollars. It is still very expensive in Pakistan. This dress in provided by bride’s mother to her daughter as a good bye gift.
On the third day that is also called Waleema, the bride also wears a very nice heavy dress which is also around about the same price. This dress is provided by groom’s family or his mother as a welcome gift. Bride wears that dress on the last day of the wedding ceremony when she is in her husband’s house.
These are other kinds of dresses which bride wears during the wedding ceremony.
Jewelry:
In Pakistan, jewelry has the most important role during the weddings. Men usually do not wear as much jewelry but on the other hand women wear a lot of jewelry. There is a saying in Pakistan “Jewelry makes a woman more beautiful”. So they follow that tradition.There are different types of jewelry which brides wear during the wedding. That is usually very heavy jewelry. For example bride usually wears TAJ (gold crown) on their heads. The Taj is made out of heavy 24 karate gold and also has diamonds in there.
The second thing is Bindiya that is not in American culture so it’s hard to explain but, as you see in this picture the piece of jewelry falling into the bride’s forehead and on the back it is usually attached with either her hair or with her Chaador (scarf).
The third thing is called Jhumkay it the bigger version of the earrings. That is also made by 24 karate pure gold.
The fourth piece of jewelry is necklace. This is usually the biggest piece of jewelry which bride wears on her wedding. It is mostly very long sometimes as long as her dress. This carries diamonds and ruby and is also made out of 24 karate pure gold.
Bride also wears a nice ring which is also either white gold or regular 24 karate gold and has a very big diamond in it. This is the smallest piece of the jewelry on the bride. The last part is anklets. That is the most fragile piece of the jewelry bride wears. All the stuff mention above is what usually brides wear during their marriage.
Henna:
One of the things except jewelry which adds more beauty to the bride is called Henna , as it is now in American culture also. Most of the women use it as a tattoo purpose in America. It originally started from the Arabia and moved on to different part of the world.On the day of Mehndi, bride’s friends or sometimes professional girls in Henna come to bride’s home and put all the design on her hands, front and back and now day it is also used on lower parts of the legs. It has a lot of different designs and now day people use computers to make different types of designs. These designs usually stay on for about a week.
The food at weddings:
Most of the Pakistanis are non vegetarians. That means not too many people like to eat vegetables. The only time when there is vegetable involvement when they make salads. There are some restrictions about what kind of meat and how it needs to be cut.For example Pakistani people do not eat pork or anything made out of pork. The reason they do not eat that is because it is against the Islamic and Paksitani culture.
There are many types of food dishes in Pakistan, most of them are very hard to explain. But there are also famous dish in Pakistani culture that as well come from Arabia, called kabab. There are many types of kababs. For example chicken kabob, lamb kabob, beef kabob, sheesh kabab, seekh kabab, and now it’s a new thing Indian people have is called vegetable kabob, that does not exist in Pakistan or any where else.
Since Pakistani people eat a lot. There is a lot of food on Pakistani weddings. Food on weddings is divided into three courses.
First, the appetizer: They are about three types. One of them is called Samosa. That is very similar to the patties usually stuffed with small pieces of meet and is also deep fried.
The second is small pieces of chicken tikka. It is small pieces of chicken marinated in yogurt and medium spices. It is cooked inside the brick oven called Tandoor. The third one is called Pakora. It is also deep fried and is made out of mix vegetables.
The main course, there about 10 to 20 different types of food dishes involve during the main course. It is catered by one of the best restaurants in town or sometimes out side the city. One of the most popular dishes during the weddings is chicken korma. It is kind of similar to chicken curry but this one has some yogurt and nuts in it.
The last thing is desert, during the weddings there are more than hundred deserts involve in there. Each one has it’s own different taste. One that is most famous in the weddings is called Ras Gullah it is about the size of golf ball, looks like dark brown and is sitting in warm sugar syrup. This tastes amazingly good. The other famous thing is rice pudding.
